Dating transgender man
Though we had a ton of chemistry, he couldn’t understand the ways in which he constantly invalidated my identity.
And, to be clear, I don’t need constant validation of my womanhood, but I do need respect — which J wasn't prepared to give.
I vowed as I left his place in the middle of the night that I would never put myself in that dangerous of a situation again.
And even though I now make sure people know my identity before I’m alone with a potential partner, there are still some aspects of this interaction that seem to show up in my dating life no matter how many precautions I take.
Despite one pervasive misconception that transgender people transition for the approval or acceptance of future sexual partners, when I transitioned there was nothing about the forthcoming experience that assured me I would be seen as desirable. But when you’re trans, it’s hard in a completely different way.
Given his presence in the hypermasculine world of hip-hop, that moment highlighted the deep-rooted issues our society has with men being attracted to trans women.That didn’t stop the intense expression of confusion that spread across his face.“So you’re a man? “Do you know how lucky you are that I’m not, like, crazy?Because I know plenty of guys who would really do some shit to you.”“No, I’m a woman, a transgender woman,” I answered, trying to make him understand. His entire view of me had changed and there was no going back.I’m surprised at how often I encounter people — typically cisgender men — who don’t understand what transgender means, even in a world where Caitlyn Jenner and Laverne Cox make headlines.Despite the slowly turning tides, dealing with these potential partners is difficult because I often have to serve as both a therapist and a teacher. He was very much interested in me, but it took a few months for him to admit the full extent.