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They just never said anything because they had no proof, they just felt it. I was horrified, I insisted he get help, he went one time, said the therapist said he had a lot of issues, he came clean with everyone, seemed sincere, ate crow, all the things you would expect, and I thought well he’ll not lie again, he is remorseful, he was traumatized by his wife leaving, etc.
When I found out he was married that first year and confronted him, the reason he said he lied was that the woman who introduced us had gone out with him and he had never told her he was married. etc…made excuses for who I thought was a normal person who made grave mistakes. I did not know people could lie daily and pretend so well…..
We went to church every Sunday and were very involved, his insistence. I called him a rooster, my therapist (after I found all this and everything crumbled) told me the official therapy term is a peacock.We played this perfect family, but I wasn’t playing, I worked and loved hard. He has to have admiration of others, and women are easy. He also has no regard for others (empathy) and no qualms at all lying and looking you straight in the eyes, daily, even with proof in your hands. He uses people for his own gratification, not one person means anything to him except for how they can make him feel. When I kept finding more and more concrete proof and he could no longer lie, he got violent because he was discovered and I required he get help, that was the only way I would consider not filing for divorce.He hit and pushed and lost it instead, he blamed, he belittled me, he did the most cruel things to me to try and bait me so he could blame me…actually tried several times to force me to react, so he could make me the cause of divorce, so he could even have me jailed.He even forced a knife in my hand once and tried to stab himself, with my hand, so he could claim I was trying to stab him….I was so stupid and trusting and hoped and prayed and met with his therapists….everything….he never felt remorse, actually only cried when thought about how what all he had done said about him.He never cared about what it did to me, or our son. Broke my finger, threw me to the ground or across the room…was losing control of the situation because he controlled everything with lies, and I was now looking and finding them. The strip club, he knew the strippers personally, had their numbers, met them outside the club.